Forget about that Myers-Brigg personality assessment.
Words by Melissa Shedden
Attachment styles are cool and all, but if you really want to know what a person is like, pay attention to their drink flavour.
Yep, we live in a time where our drinks are more than just something to quench our thirst. They’re a status symbol – a way of life even. And that drink needs to match not only our Birkenstocks but our soul.
Can you imagine if a farmer walked into a bar and ordered an Aperol? That would be weird.
So when you select a Remedy Kombucha from the fridge, what vibe are you putting out to the world, really?
Behold, snap judgments of what yours says about you. (Best served with a pinch of live cultures and a heavy pour of good humour.)
You’re a classic extrovert gaining energy from others! And you love exclamation marks! You probably shouldn’t have any more kombucha but you just can’t help yourself! Yes, you’ve got a childlike wonder, curiosity, enthusiasm and persistence. (Note, childlike doesn’t mean childish.) Weirdly, you’re also wildly likeable. No one’s ever been disappointed with pink lemonade.
You’re sophisticated, like still read paper books and write with a pen, sophisticated. You likely own those impressive cocktail sized silicon ice cube trays. You prefer small groups over large ones and are most content observing. You probably also use words like “bespoke” and “artisanal” with alarming regularity and love tastes that are smooth, yet tart.
Wild Berry people don’t want subtlety. You like your coffee extra hot, your wine ice-cold, and your conversations direct. You’re impulsive, open to new experiences and feel generally happy yet dissatisfied at the same time. That might be why instead of choosing one berry, you choose three, because that’s your jam. Why deny yourself?
Pure Coconut Water Kefir
Logical and sensible, you’re a lifelong resident of the comfort zone and rate predictability. A restaurant is deemed good if the service is efficient. You have high expectations and if you’re drinking something other than water, it better be doing the most for your gut health and immunity.
Passionfruit Coconut Water Kefir
Your brazen in-your-face confidence is something to be applauded. You believe in astrology and mercury in retrograde. You’re a sucker for smells transporting you places and likely spritzed Britney Spears’ Fantasy silly back in the day. Most of all, you’re all about enjoying yourself. And brunch. You’re definitely here for brunch.
You travel to feel alone, on purpose. Right now you’re reading this sitting solo at a cafe that has more milk options than it does egg dishes on the menu. You’ve never been to Europe on Contiki instead favouring far-flung places like Nicaragua, Kyoto and Sri Lanka (way back when). Content with your own company, you’re not about concrete plans for the week, let alone, the day
Helpful and agreeable, you’re the person in the pre-Covid office everyone looks to when the photocopier runs out of toner. Your camera roll is filled with snaps of neighbourhood flowers and you’re always easily convinced to “go halfsies” in dessert – your dining companion’s choice because you’re happy with anything.
Most likely to have an account on TikTok and a serious case of FOMO, you’re great at giving advice about life, dating (like if your boyfriend isn’t treating you right, let that man-go, get it?) and whether or not you need those trainers (the answer is always yes). An enabler from way back, moderation isn’t your strong point. But, YOLO.
Apple Crisp Kombucha
You’re a creature of habit. Why experiment when you’ve found the one? You’re a serial monogamist and always choose the same spot in yoga class: second last row, furthest left. Nostalgia is your special power and you can remember not only what year, you and your mates went to your first movie marathon, but what flavour lip-balm you were rocking. Spoiler: it was apple.
Your parents raised you to be perfect – and it backfired. Like the brew, you’re pungent and lip-puckeringly spicy, delivering feisty sarcasm that can border on rude. That aside, you’re iCal is chockers with social engagements (IRL before Covid, then Zoom drinks) because if there’s one thing you are, it’s a guaranteed good time.